i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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