I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
