Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
