you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
