I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
