thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
