How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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