I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
