I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
