i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
