Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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