My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize