I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
