I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
