He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize