HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
