your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
