She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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