Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
