He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
