I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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