why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
