You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
