I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
