I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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