I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Come on in and take your pants off
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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