you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
