hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
