Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
