I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
