Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
