My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
