i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
