why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
