the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
