Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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