I just cut my nipple shaving
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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