Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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