So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
