the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
