At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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