Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
