ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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