Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
