he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
