If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need moral support for this bender
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
