So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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