He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
