I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
