wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
