He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
