I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
