smell my finger.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
