So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
