Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize