Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
