i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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