ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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