Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
