Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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