You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
