it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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