Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
