What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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