I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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