You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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