remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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